From Rules to Values: How Schools and Families Guide AI Together

DISCOVERING AI: Igniting Human Potential
By Amy D. Love, Founder of DISCOVERING AI and of the Global FAMILY AI GAME PLAN initiative

AI has moved from theory to daily reality in children’s lives.
Not someday. Not in the abstract. Right now.

When a shift like this happens, guidance cannot live in only one place.

Children move between school and home every day. When expectations differ, they carry the confusion with them. What is encouraged in one setting may be questioned in another. What feels acceptable at home may feel risky at school.

That is why AI is not only a parenting issue. It is a shared leadership issue between families and schools.

Why AI belongs in both home and school conversations

AI touches the core of learning.

How students research. How they write. How they solve problems. How they demonstrate understanding.

Schools are responding in real time. Teachers are adapting assignments. Administrators are trying to balance innovation with integrity. Districts are working to create guidance in an environment where tools evolve faster than policies.

This is not a failure of schools. It is the reality of fast-moving change.

AI is embedded in platforms students already use. It is adaptive, often invisible, and increasingly normalized. Many students do not experience their use as “using AI” at all.

That reality makes alignment more important than enforcement.

Why rules alone break down with AI

Rules work best in stable environments. AI introduces constant variability.

A rule written for one tool may not apply after the next update. A rule enforced at school may not match what happens at home. When expectations feel unclear or inconsistent, students experience stress, and families and educators experience friction.

Research in child development consistently shows that external rules require constant monitoring, especially as children gain independence. In fast-changing environments, rule-based approaches alone struggle to keep pace.

This is where many parents feel stuck. Tight control that creates tension. Total trust that feels uncertain.

There is another path.

Why values travel across tools and settings

Values give children internal guidance when adults are not present.

A student who understands why originality matters navigates AI differently than a student who is simply told what is allowed. A student who understands the purpose of learning makes better decisions as tools change.

This is a core theme in DISCOVERING AI: A Parent's Guide to Raising Future-Ready Kids. Rules define boundaries. Values explain purpose.

Values travel across different tools, classrooms, expectations, and stages of development. They help children make decisions in moments where no rule is visible.

What this looks like in real schools, right now

Over the past few weeks, I’ve seen this play out in very different settings.

In Alabama, conversations at John Carroll Catholic High School and Restoration Academy centered on clarity and trust. Teachers wanted students to explain their thinking. Parents wanted reassurance that learning still mattered more than shortcuts. Students wanted to understand how to use tools responsibly without fear.

In Silicon Valley, at Stratford Preparatory Blackford campus and at Stratford Middle School San Jose campus, middle school and high school students and parents asked thoughtful questions about where AI supports learning and where it crosses a line. Parents focused on consistency. Teachers emphasized process over output.

Different regions. Different school models. The same underlying need.

Shared values create steadiness when rules differ.

How values reduce conflict and anxiety

When expectations are grounded in shared values, tension decreases.

Students feel more secure when they understand the reasoning behind expectations. Parents feel more confident when guidance aligns with what educators emphasize. Teachers experience less friction when students arrive with a clear sense of purpose rather than confusion.

In RAISING ENTREPRENEURS: Preparing Kids for Success in the Age of AI, I write about the importance of helping children explain their thinking, not just produce outcomes. That skill supports academic integrity, confidence, and long-term readiness.

Values-first guidance replaces guesswork with clarity.

The power of the family–student–teacher trifecta

Strong AI guidance works best when three groups are connected.

• Families articulate values and expectations at home.

• Schools clarify how learning and assessment work in the classroom.

• Students understand how to navigate both with confidence.

When one part is missing, children feel caught in the middle.

When families and schools align on values, even when specific rules vary by class or assignment, children experience consistency rather than conflict. This is the trifecta that supports real learning.

How parents can open constructive dialogue with schools

Many parents hesitate to raise AI questions with schools. They worry about sounding uninformed or creating tension.

These conversations do not need to be adversarial.

Approaching schools as partners often starts with values-based questions such as:

“We’re talking at home about when AI supports learning and when it doesn’t. How is that framed in your class?”

“What matters most to you when students use AI for assignments?”

“How can families support consistency between home and school?”

These questions invite dialogue. They signal shared goals.

Where the FAMILY AI GAME PLAN™ fits

The FAMILY AI GAME PLAN™ exists to support alignment.

It helps families clarify values, surface expectations, and give children language for navigating AI thoughtfully. It is not a policy. It is not restrictive. It is a living reference point.

When families are clear about their values, schools gain insight into what children are hearing at home. When educators share classroom expectations, families can reinforce them. Shared language reduces confusion for children and stress for adults.

Join the conversation

In this week’s Facebook Live session of Parenting in the Age of AI, we’re expanding the conversation into real school experiences.

Come curious. Leave steadier.

𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐀𝐈: Igniting Human Potential

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